I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
