He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
