I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
