It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
