Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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