..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
