so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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