His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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