Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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