I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
