Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
