i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
