I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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