Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
