OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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