did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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