Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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