i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
