ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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