can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
