my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
