I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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