I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
