I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
COCAINE IS GR8
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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