I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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