Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
