Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do herpes really smell.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize