So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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