Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
