Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
