ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
