my mouth tastes like poor choices
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
