Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
