I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
