I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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