So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
