I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
