just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
