I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
