I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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