12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
