"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
