Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
