The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please don't give away my fajitas
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize