I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
