At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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