I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
