you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We are all done wearing pants today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
