your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
