So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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