I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
