I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
