someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
