Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
