We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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