Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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