so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
