She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
