What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
