I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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