My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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