i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
