"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize