I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize