New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no you cant smoke seaweed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
