well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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