oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Congratulations! We have a period
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