Do you still have your period?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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